On Token Gestures

I like to think of myself as a fundamentally honest man. I try hard not to lie, and this often leads to people saying things like "Damn, Noel, that was rough!" and "Noel, you're a great guy, but that was completely lacking in tact." I generally try not to tell white lies, unless they are absolutely necessary. Perhaps paradoxically, I also think that meaningless, token gestures are a necessary social lubricant. They show at least some thought and awareness of a given social situation, and generally will make the person on the receiving end of the token gesture feel somewhat appreciated.

I'm also a believer in chivalry and I'm kind of old-fashioned. Now ordinarily, I wouldn't write so much about myself, but it is a necessary preface to this post. Despite being an overwhelmingly charismatic Voltron-like amalgamation of two great rock guitarists, I have found it necessary at times to seek out new sources for dating. Most recently I have turned to Match.com, because, well, let's just say it's a story involving a date with the girl at the Perfumania kiosk at the mall, an iPhone, and a bunch of scotch.

Anyway, I end up on a semi-blind date last night with someone I met on there. We're having dinner, and the check comes around. Now being the old-fashioned gent that I am, of course I am planning on paying for dinner. However, I sort of expect at least the token gesture of offering to pay something. No such offer was to be seen! Bear in mind that I'm a broke grad student and my date has a real job and went on a bit about summers in upstate New York... where she owns two homes... that are both free and clear.

We went for after-dinner drinks, and I was thinking, "Perhaps she will offer to pick up the tab on my very delicious and smooth shot of Jameson Irish Whiskey!" Guess what people? SHE DID NOT.

Ladies (because God knows there are scores and scores of ladies reading the Most Known Unknown Sports Blog), these things are important. It's okay to expect a man to pay on the first date. Hell, it's even okay if you decide not to call a guy back after you offered and the guy actually takes you up on the offer. But you have to make the gesture. These meaningless gestures are what keeps society going and separates us from the animals. We are better than dogs, I tell you!

Needless to say, there will be no second date.

Fire Up The Blog Machine Boys, We're Back In Action!

Greetings.

About a year and a half ago, I pulled the plug on Fire Everybody, a blog I had started with a couple of friends. I started it because I had a burning desire to write, which seems like the most sensible reason there is to start a blog. Since shamelessly ripping people off is the sincerest form of flattery, we pretty much just did what Fire Joe Morgan was doing. The fact that FJM actually outlasted us despite (a) having been going for years longer than us and (b) being written by professional TV writers with, like, real jobs is a testament to just how hard it is to keep the ol' blogging spark alive.

The fact of the matter is, after writing tens of thousands of words on only barely comprehensible topics, I got burned out and quit. Again, I'd say that was sensible. But now, the need to write has returned and I'm jumping back in with a new blog and a new mission. Because, honestly, I'm OK with letting Fire Everybody stay buried. I looked over some of the archives recently and I think some of it stands up OK - there's a pretty good post about Matt Kemp and Bill Plaschke in there, and I stand by my fairly harsh criticisms of Gregg Doyel's stance on the Beijing Olympics. (Although I wish I had actually bothered to research Tibet.) Still, a lot of my output was just sort of weird jokes and esoteric references. Much as I love both, I'm going to try do a bit better this time around.

So, here's the deal with this new blog, the Most Known Unknown Sports Blog. I'm going to write about sports, and I'm still going to do FJM-style posts, because they're pretty much my favorite kind of sports blogging. (Also, I don't have the skills to do KSK-style character posts.) But I'll also do posts on other sports topics that interest me; for instance, I'm going to try to talk myself into a possible Cubs playoff run using only Sabermetrics. I don't think it's possible, but I've got to try, dammit! I'll also do more general pop culture posts if I feel like it. I have some thoughts on Nicolas Cage and Vampire's Kiss that I just have to get out there. I also have a silly theory about how The Office has become just like Battlestar Galactica. You're not going to want to miss that, now are you?

You might also notice that I'm no longer writing under my nom de blog, "Archie Micklewhite." Much as I loved that silly little moniker and its double homage to Cary Grant and Michael Caine, I've decided that I should probably just write under my real name. This is partially because I now do a little bit of internet writing (mostly here) and I might as well stick to just one online persona, and partially because I figure I might as well just stand behind the posts I write. After all, it's just the internet. What's the worst that can happen? (Don't answer that.) I'll soon be joined by my old Fire Everybody cowriters, and they may be keeping their old pseudonyms, choosing new ones, or going with their real names. It can be like a little game!

Anyway, this blog is just meant to be a bit of fun, and I hope it's something that a few people find worth reading. I'll be back soon with an actual post. Until then, I'll leave you with an explication of our blog's new name (with apologies for the highly NSFW language):